Friday, October 16, 2020

10:37 p.m.

Watching the Braves trying to win the pennant. They're leading the series 3-1. But that stupid Seager hit another home run. I hate the Dodgers. Almost as much as I hate the Nationals. But not as much as a hate the Packers. I'd say I will though over the next few years. It's going to clash with the stupid Dodgers for a while. I think we'll win. I get too invested in baseball games. I get nervous, giddy, enraged, elated. I wish I could just watch a ball game without all the emotional pain. 

I nearly aspirated about fifteen minutes ago. Acid reflux. It's about to kill me. That's twice I've almost choked to death in my sleep in the last two weeks. All I know to do is not eat at this point. Nothing is safe after about 5 p.m. I'll have to wash my blanket tomorrow and an outfit to wear to the wedding. I'm tired. I want to just sit here with nothing to do and nothing coming up, nothing to be nervous or worried about.

I'm working on draft eight of Orchard. Burnout doesn't begin to explain where I'm at with this book. All I'm sure about is that this is my last full-length work. I had two novels in progress before I even started this book and I'm going to stop working on them. It's short stories from here on out. Full-length works are just exhausting, and it doesn't help that I'm not as talented at novels and longer nonfiction books. After 34 years writing, I know where I'm strong, and that's with short stories. My novels have been mediocre, and you could fill Truist Park with all the mediocre novels that have been written and exist in this world.

I'm tired even writing about writing.

This fall's MFA class is wrapping up. It was a good one. I had three graduating students. A small class but advanced and enjoyable. And a wide spread of different kinds of literature being written. Fantasy, literary short stories. A good mix. I did the best I could trying to help them become better writers. Sometimes I struggle with that, talking about writing, helping people write better. I don't know if it's because I'm not as good a writer as I think I am or if it's because I've had limited experience talking to other people about writing. No idea. Nothing.

Tired of writing and here I am just pecking away. I've worn out two laptops in the past three years. 

Oh, I also hate Mookie Betts. Stupid Mookie Betts. He's already won a World Series with the stupid Red Sox. Give me a break. 

Go Braves.

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10:37 p.m.

Watching the Braves trying to win the pennant. They're leading the series 3-1. But that stupid Seager hit another home run. I hate the D...